White vs Black
by UltimateShadic
Summary: A crappy Halo: Red vs. Blue parody using my fancharacters. It will most likely be a two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

White vs. Black

A Red vs. Blue parody

--

**Dead man Canyon**

**Black Base**

"WAKE UP, MEN!" Shadic screamed at the sleeping soldiers. "AH! DON'T KILL ME!" Screamed Private Devlin as he leapt out of bed. "Oh…Its just you, Sarge…" Shadic glared. "How many times do I have to say it…My name ISNT SARGE! I'm not even a Sergeant! I'm just the guy who gives orders!" "Isn't that the same thing?" Asked Private S-mel. "No. I'm a COLONEL, idiot." Shadic retorted. "Now get up, we need to go over the days schedule." "You mean you're going to explain to us for the umpteenth time how its incredibly important that we kill the whites and how they're commies and that we need to stand on top of the base waiting for them to show up, while you just vanish to some random place that will never be mentioned and no one will ever find out where you keep going?" S-mel asked. Everyone stared. "I'm a robot, I don't breath. So I can speak in long sentences." S-mel said. "We know. We're just hoping that the support beam will randomly fall on your head and kill you." Shadic said. "Nice comeback, sir." Devlin commented. "Suck up to me later, Devlin. You to have WORK to do!" Shadic said determinedly.

--

**White Base**

"This is so stupid." Dox grumbled. "Yes. Yes it is. But unfortunately that's what makes me like this job." Para stated. "What, the fact that its stupid?" Dox asked. "No, the fact that it annoys the crap out of you." Para said, scanning the canyon with the scope from his sniper rifle. "Can I hold the sniper rifle?" Dox asked. "Last time I let you do that, you shot our commander." Para said dryly. "He got too close to the blacks, and I was on a roll. I thought he was one of them!" Dox complained. "He was wearing FREAKING WHITE! That stands out in the middle of a bunch of BLACK, STUPID!" Para snapped. "Fine, would you buy the excuse that his incredibly tight pants were so creepy it tempted me to shoot him?" Dox asked. "Yes. Yes I would."

Suddenly the ground began shaking. "What the heck is going on?" Dox asked. "It appears a ship is flying towards us!" "Where?!" Asked the black hedgehog. "Try looking in the sky, moron." "Oh." Dox looked up. A huge freighter was descending from the sky. Suddenly it stopped and started to open. A gray robot hedgehog dropped out of it. It wore a white suit of armor. "Hey cool, our new recruit is here." Para said. The robot booted up. Its eyes turned yellow. "HEY! YOU GUYS!" He called up. "What?" Para asked. "…I LIKE CHOCOLATE!" The robot replied. Para and Dox blinked.

--

"BY THOR'S BANJO! What the heck was that!?" Shadic asked after the ground stopped shaking. "By Thor's banjo?" S-mel asked, confused. "Shut up, S-mel. Devlin, what was it?" Shadic said. Devlin, who was looking through a sniper rifle, said, "It appears to be some kind of ship. And it dropped off a new white recruit!" "Oh NO! Now we're evenly matched! We need to thin their numbers by launching an attack. I never thought I'd get to use my secret weapon…But I had always really hoped." Shadic said. He removed a tarp from his secret weapon, revealing a large, high powered cannon. "I call it: The S-cannon!" Shadic said. "S as in Shadic?" S-mel asked. "No, S as in S-MEL! This baby is bound to fire S-mel clear across the canyon. It's the perfect weapon!" Shadic said, hugging it. "Aw, hell." S-mel said.

Soon

"LOCK AND LOAD!" Shadic cried. Devlin shoved S-mel into the cannon. "This will end badly, I know it." S-mel said. "Shut up, cannonball!" Shadic said. "Fire on 3...2...NOW!" Devlin pressed a button, and the cannon fired S-mel. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!" The robot screamed as he flew across the canyon.

--

**Meanwhile**

"I'm CRAZY!" The robot hedgehog said. "Boy, I'll say." Para said. "How come our team always has the soldiers with mental problems?" "No, my NAME is Crazy." Crazy said. "Oh." Was all Para said. "Hi. I'm Dox." Dox said boredly. "I think his name is Charles." Crazy said to Para. "I can already tell I'll have shot myself before this war is over." Para sighed. They all heard a high-pitched screaming. "What the heck?" Para asked, looking up. They all saw S-mel flying towards them. "CRAP." Was all they had time to say. "WOO! NAILED 'EM!" Shadic cheered, back at Black Base. "But sir, what about Private S-mel?" Devlin asked. "Private who-now?" Shadic said, confused. He looked through the sniper rifle to see S-mel getting up. "Aw, CRAP, he's still alive! I'd better snipe him…" Devlin snatched the gun. "Sorry sir, but I don't think Black command would appreciate that." "Aw, come on private! Just let me give him a bullet in the leg!" Shadic whined. "No, sorry sir." "Awww…"

"God dang those blacks…" Para said, standing up. "Hey look, there's one!" Crazy said. They all looked up to see S-mel standing there. "Uh…Hi?" He said nervously. "GET HIM!" Para said. They all charged at S-mel, who ran screaming. S-mel turned into an Extreme Gear motorcycle and zoomed off. "Aw man, they have an AUTOBOT on their team!" Dox said. "You idiot, there's no such thing as Autobots and Decepticons. They're from a TV series!" Para spat. "FOR THE GLORY OF MEGATRON, I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Crazy screamed, transforming into a police car and pursuing S-mel. "IS EVERYONE ON MY TEAM INSANE?!" Para shouted into the heavens. There was no response, of course, until a few moments later, the distant voice of Crazy said, "YES!"

--

"Holy Monkeyfeet!" Shadic said. "We've got a Code AVD on our hands!" "A classic Autobot vs. Decepticon chase scene!?" Devlin cried. "I never thought we'd see this day." "I told you that one day the Transformers would invade Dead Man Canyon! But did Black Command listen? Noooo, they just put me on pills! Well now its time to show them they were wrong!" Shadic said. He threw a grenade at the floating motorcycle. "AH! SHAD, ITS ME!" S-mel screamed. "GET THIS STICKY GRENADE OFF ME!" "S-MEL? EVEN BETTER!" Shadic said happily. The grenade exploded and S-mel went flying. Crazy turned into his robot self. Shadic and Devlin were distracted. Quickly, Crazy snuck behind Devlin and knocked him out, then carried him to White Base.

--

"Good job, new recruit. You got a prisoner!" Para said in surprise. Crazy's eyes turned blue. "It was a piece of theoretical cake." He said in monotone. "I got a prisoner too!" Said Dox. S-mel was tied up with Devlin. "Now lets go out there and negotiate." Shadic had failed to notice his soldiers had gone missing, and he snuck up to the White Base. When Dox and Crazy walked out, he tossed Chaos Spears at them, knocking them out. He then took them to Black Base and left a note. Para soon found it.

"_If you want your soldiers back, meet me in the middle of the canyon."_

_Colonel of the black team_

"Aw crap." Para said. He soon set off for the middle of the canyon, prisoners in tow. Shadic spotted him coming. "What the…He has my men! CRAP! Now I cant make him give me the flag…Or maybe I can…" Shadic said. "Alright, white!" He called. "I'll trade you this prisoner-" He pointed at Dox. "For another prisoner!" "Okay!" Para called. He shoved S-mel forward. Shadic was silent for a few moments. He then called, "Do you have a better prisoner?" Para shoved Devlin forward. "Okay, I'll take him." Shadic said. He sent Dox over. "Now give me your flag in exchange for this one!" Shadic shouted, pointing at Crazy. "No way man, he isn't worth the flag! Take this robot, or get nothing!" Para shouted. "Aw, sonnuva…FINE!" Para sent over S-mel. "You win this round blacks!" Para said, fleeing with his men. "Thanks for freeing me, sir." S-mel said. Shadic whacked him in the head with his gun. "Shut up, S-mel." S-mel moaned.


	2. Chapter 2

White vs. Black

A Red vs. Blue parody

Chapter 2

--

**White Base**

"Alright men, we need a plan to get the blacks flag. Any suggestions?" Para asked. Crazy raised his hand, his eyes turning yellow. "Yes, Private Crazy?" Para said. "I have an idea! How about…We ask them nicely if we can have the flag?" Crazy said. Para and Dox stared. "Okay, any REAL suggestions?" Para asked. Dox shrugged. "Well great. We're screwed." Para said.

--

**Black Base**

Shadic was spying on white base through his sniper rifle. "Those diabolical whites! They're plotting against us, and they have a darn good idea too. I can feel it in my stank bone…S-MEL! DEVLIN!" He turned around to face the two privates, who were chattering on about something. "So do you like OLDER women, women your own age, or YOUNGER women?" S-mel asked. "Older, dude." Devlin said. "Why's that?" S-mel said. "Hello? The older they are, the bigger the b-" "ATTENTION!" Shadic shouted. "AH!" The two privates jumped up in the air. "If you two are done gossiping like housewives, I would like you to spy on White base." Shadic said. "You'd like us to? Does that mean this is a choice?" S-mel asked. "No! In fact, I order you both to spy on White Base! Meanwhile, I have to go somewhere. I'll be back when the writer writes me back into the story!" With his careless damage to the fourth wall done, Shadic took off. "Story? What the heck is he talking about?" Devlin said. Suddenly they heard knocking. They looked down to see a white hedgehog. "Private Zero reporting for duty!" He called up. "Private Zero? Oh yeah, he's the new guy." S-mel said. He opened the door, and Zero came in. While he was coming up the stairs to the roof, S-mel said, "So, how'd the whites kidnap you?" "I'm not sure. I think they drugged me." Devlin said in confusion. Zero gasped. "You guys do DRUGS? Don't you know that's bad for you?" "I can already tell that this war just got stupider." S-mel commented.

--

"Aw crap. Look guys, they got a new recruit! We're evenly matched again!" Dox said, spying on black base. "Evenly matched? Who are we fighting? Is it Ostriches? I like ostriches." Crazy asked. "I think its time we called in…Somebody!" Para said. He spoke into a radio. "Come in, white command!" "Hey dude, this is Shaydis, at White command. How can I help you, dudes?" "We need back up!" Para said. "Back up, huh? Well dude, you have two options. You can wait 5 hours for us to send more soldiers…" "I like that idea." Said Crazy. "Or you can wait 15 minutes for us to send a nearby freelancer." "We'll go with the freelancer." Para said. "Excellent choice dude, and thanks for playing 'If the price is right!'" Shaydis said. Then the transmission ended. Para stared at the radio for a minute, then turned away. "Those Black idiots don't stand a chance! Our freelancer will kick their butts!" Dox said. "Yes. Yes I will." Said a deep voice. They turned to see someone clad in black armor all over, so you couldn't tell what species it was. Dox's eyes widened. "No! We have to send her back!" "…Excuse me?" Said the freelancer. "She's my ex-girlfriend, Patty!" Dox cried. The freelancer stared, then removed his helmet, to reveal that he was a male chameleon. "What the hell, man?!" He said. "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else." Dox said. "Oh, so I look like a girl?!" The chameleon said. He punched Dox, and knocked him out. "I'm freelancer Techo. I'll go get those blacks for you." Techo said. He turned invisible. There was silence. "So…Is Dox gay?" Asked Crazy.

--

Techo hid behind a rock at Black Base, invisible. He aimed his shotgun up at Zero, who was playing with a rubber duck or something. "Why did you give him a rubber duck?" Devlin asked. "I just told him it was his mission to guard the duck from harm, because its vital to our plans to eliminate the whites. What can I say, he was annoying me." S-mel said. Techo aimed his gun at Zero and fired. At the last second, Zero moved the duck in front of his face. It got shot, and deflated. Techo turned visible. "WHAT THE HECK! How did I miss?!" He shouted. Zero stared at the duck, then looked enraged. "WHY YOU…" He threw a grenade at Techo. "Oh, CRAP." Techo said. The grenade blew up, and he went flying into space. "Looks like team rockets blasting off again…" He cried as he flew.

--

"Well, that didn't work." Para commented. "We'll just have to try again tomorrow night." "Gee Para, what are we going to do tomorrow night?" Dox asked. "The same thing we do every night, Dox…TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Para said.


End file.
